I feel emotionally torn apart.

I don't know what to do. The Lord is giving me blessings and challenges and I feel completely inadequate in the face of them all.

I have a role in the play and was assigned to be Assistant Director, while several of my dear friends do not have that opportunity. It tears me apart to see them hurt and I don't feel that I can share my joy with them in that area. I feel guilty and sad that I am being blessed while they are not. I suppose it's a little like survivors syndrome.

My grades are rising and with that are the expectations of my husband, my teachers, my parents and myself. I do not want anything less than A's now that I have had them and know that I am capable of them. I am afraid of overloading myself in my eagerness to learn, and then feel the pain of not getting grades that I know I can receive.

I am beginning to bond with people in my ward. It's taken about a year for me to feel comfortable enough to get close to people. I feel like I am finally starting to build friendships, but I don't want to build them at the cost of the previous friendships I have made.

My husband and I have enough money to survive, maybe even thrive for now.

These are the blessings I am being given. now there are a couple straight challenges.

I've been talking to an old friend who is in a difficult situation and doesn't know if they are a member anymore. I am trying desperately not to make the same mistakes I have made in the past. I know this person needs love and encouragement, though maybe I have been a little more pointed in pointing out the fallacies in the excuses as to why they haven't gone to church, I am trying to be gentle and to allow the care to override the 'right'.

In trying to find the help for this person, I have contacted another friend who I have not spoken to in a while. I hope that my good intentions for the other young person will be read, though in some of the recent communications, good intentions were the last thing addressed. I am afraid of my love being misrepresented again, but I felt that it was a good thing to do.

I have doubt and fear laced in my heart. I have been richly blessed and am being richly blessed and yet I am still so afraid.

I am grateful to my parents, who have loved me despite everything I have done. I am grateful for my mother, who could have reacted harshly to my mistakes, and instead showed me the right way to return to the straight and narrow. I am grateful for my Dad for teaching me to rethink a situation and see a better, more positive way.

I am grateful for my husband who has shown me more love that I had ever expected from another person, and so he has secured my faith in a Father and Brother who would be willing to sacrifice for my sake. I am grateful for his love, devotion and faith in me that believes more of me than I would ever believe for myself.

I am grateful for my friends who have kept me happy and forgiven me the excesses of my more strident affections. I am grateful for the teachers who have seen good in me and have nurtured me and trusted me. I am grateful for the neighbors and classmates who have given me rides and asked me, sincerely, how my day has gone.

I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for all that they have done in my lives and for giving me this moment to feel gratitude and love for everyone around me and for them.

And now, my heart is so full of gratitude and love that I don't feel the doubt anymore. I hope i can do all that they ask of me, I'll certainly try.